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manip
by xxdougie_lovexx (xxdougie_lovexx)
at January 30th, 2006 (04:45 pm)

i have made a manip with a fic attached so yippy!


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R-rated so proceed with caution (only the fic)

Dougie was by himself on the stage practising for that nights performence, he looked out at the big arena and wondered how on earth a confussed teen got this far. All of a sudden he thought he heard someone so turned around but saw nothing. He thought nothing of it and carried on practising. Harry was behind the stage evil eyed looking at dougie, he walked up behing dougie silently, he was specalised in walking so quite but dougie didn't know that. Harry watched Dougie's fingers touch the thick strings on the bass, he was playing all about you. Suddenly out of nowhere harry put his hand over Dougie's mouth Dougie had the scare of his life until Harry wisered in his ear,
"It's ok Dougie it's me Harry everything will be fine just do as i say and follow me."
Harry kept one hand over Dougie's mouth and with the other pushed Dougie towards the stock room wich had nothing in as it was all on the stage ready. It was perfect for Harry so he smiled.
"wonderful no mess to trample on or complain about."
Harry pushed Dougie in stared at him raised his eyebrows walked in and closed the door!
"Now the Dougie i hope you are going to do as i say"
"yes, but" Harry interupted "no buts" He put his finger to Dougie's lips suggesting to be quiet. He unzipped his trousers and pulled them down. Then slowly pulled his boxers down to show his amazingly large cock dangeling between his legs. Dougie sighed pleasently without meaning to show his love for Harry!
"Oh you like it like this do you?"
"well, i guess" said dougie. Dougie bent down so he was on his knees and stared at Harry's cock.
"ready?" said dougie
"as i'll ever be" said harry. Dougie inserted Harry's cock in his mouth and could feel the pre-cum on the end. He wrapped his tounge round and back again then started to move closer to his body and back getting faster and faster every time. By this point Harry had hold of Dougie's hair but before the end he took dougies head off his cock now rarther slimy.
"huh, whats up?"
"nothing just i wanted ago at being the lead" He smiled
"ok"
"well what do you prefer up the arse or in the mouth?"
"arse" Dougie smiled again, he pulled his trousers and boxers down showing his massive cock almost touching his belly!
"little exited dougie?"
"just a bit" Dougie turned around so he was facing the wall not harry. Harry bent him down and looked at his hairy but perfect arse. His now erected cock and also slimy was placed into dougie's hole.
"ahhhhh"
Harry grabbed hold of dougie's waist and glided in and out smooth at first but then he got faster and harder at every push all you could hear was uh uh ahhh oh uh uh and the odd oh yes or yes harry. Dougie was certanly enjoying it they were both about to cum so harry took his cock out dougie turned over to face him. Harry faced dougie and cumed all over his cock and belly. Just after this dougie stood up stood over harry and cumed all over his cock and belly!
"wanna do this tomorrow?"asked dougie
"oooo yes please!"

comment please

Comments

Posted by: Matt Buck (mattbuck007)
Posted at: January 31st, 2006 03:29 pm (UTC)

Hmm, not bad. Very nice image certainly.

Posted by: xxdougie_lovexx (xxdougie_lovexx)
Posted at: January 31st, 2006 04:35 pm (UTC)

you don't like it do you? well i can't blame you it is my first

Posted by: Matt Buck (mattbuck007)
Posted at: January 31st, 2006 04:50 pm (UTC)

I don't not like it so much as see where it could be improved. If you don't like constructive criticism, don't read further, I've had my fill of people who can't take advice.


OK, well, first, write it in something with a spelling and grammar checker - MSWord with Autocorrect turned on is probably best - that way it removes silly errors like not capitalising new sentences, that sort of thing. Don't pay attention to most of its thoughts on sentence structure - it's not very good at it.

Next, add an extra line between paragraphs - it makes it much easier to read.

I personally have a thing against people assuming that everyone in McFly have large cocks, but that's just me. I wouldn't mind if they were, just it seems... unlikely.

The line "well what do you prefer up the arse or in the mouth?" confused me a bit, because Harry was already in Dougie's mouth, and I'd personally say that the guy receiving the blowjob is leading. Maybe something like "Up your arse or in my mouth?" would have explained it better.

More general tips can be found at http://mattbuck.sixwinter.com/?fiction-zztips

Posted by: xxdougie_lovexx (xxdougie_lovexx)
Posted at: February 1st, 2006 04:40 pm (UTC)

yeh i understand but its like my first one and that but thankyou very much for your comments on it the only problem is my computer didn't come with word so that was a bit like you know

Posted by: Matt Buck (mattbuck007)
Posted at: February 1st, 2006 05:20 pm (UTC)

Hmm, and wordpad doesn't come with it either... you'd really think it would be something fairly standard to include with windows... bloody microsoft.

You can always try http://www.spellcheck.net/ I guess - never used it myself, so don't know how good it is.



Anyway, I do sense potential for you as an author. You can more or less teach someone to write well, you can't teach them what to write about though. Imagination cannot be taught.

Posted by: xxdougie_lovexx (xxdougie_lovexx)
Posted at: February 2nd, 2006 03:41 pm (UTC)

thanks for the link i never used to read fics or write until now ts weird but you seem really good your site is good too i read a few fics they were really good

Posted by: Matt Buck (mattbuck007)
Posted at: February 2nd, 2006 05:46 pm (UTC)

You;d think that authors would be able to come up with some words other than good, but no one ever can. Thankyou, I appreciate the comments.

So what started you writing?

Posted by: xxdougie_lovexx (xxdougie_lovexx)
Posted at: February 2nd, 2006 05:47 pm (UTC)

well i felt like making a manip so i did and then i thought of this fic and thought i should write up

Posted by: Matt Buck (mattbuck007)
Posted at: February 2nd, 2006 05:50 pm (UTC)

Do you have msn or anything so this isn't do disjointed? matt_v_jellicle@hotmail.com

Posted by: xxdougie_lovexx (xxdougie_lovexx)
Posted at: February 2nd, 2006 05:53 pm (UTC)

yeh i just kind of never go on it lol ill add you now =]

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